To Choose or Not to Choose?

Great Inspiring Quote!

It has been over a month now since my last official weigh-in, and many months now since I have followed the Weight Watchers program even remotely. Though I'm not proud of this, it is a fact; and admitting my "set-back" is a step in the right direction. After all losing weight isn't a sprint, right? Its more like a marathon. You have to enjoy the journey on the way to the finish line. So what if you "get off track". Its finishing that counts!

Okay, now that I have given myself that pep-talk, we can move on to what I really have to say! :)

During our lives journeys we all encounter obstacles, things to celebrate, the ups and downs, but some people are successful, while yet others are failing time and again. Some can have a very positive out look on life, and others see the glass as half empty. It makes you wonder why that is, right? And we've all been on either side of the fence at one point or another; I know I have. But it all comes down to a choice. Will we choose to be successful or will we choose to fail?

Everyday, every hour, every moment we have choices to make. Some are as simple as choosing a tooth paste, while others are more difficult; like moving out of the country. But no matter what it is, we all have choices to make, and losing weight is one of them. Yes, losing weight is a choice and it can be a difficult one at that. For instance, for a number of years I choose to live and eat a certain way, which brought me a negative out come (gaining weight and losing control of my life). Then one day I decided to change my thinking and chose to eat and live a healthier lifestyle, bringing a positive outcome (gaining control and losing weight). Each of those decisions involved many smaller choices day in and day out; these small choices are what make up our lifestyles. And when we choose to make a lifestyle change, each decision can effect the outcome positively or negatively.

Let me rewind for a moment. Toward the end of October 2010, I made the choice to walk away from my weight loss path and began to make poor choices again. It was the holidays, and my holidays have always been centered around food. So therefore I chose to eat without taking into consideration how far I have come on my weight loss journey and how close I was to the finish line. Now we fast forward back to today, and I have to choose whether or not I will jump back on the path or if I will completely turn around and fall back into my old pattern of destruction.

You will be happy to know that I have chosen to jump back onto the weight loss path. My journey isn't complete, nor has it been ruined by my poor choices. I have only learned and grown from this "set back" and I will continue to learn and grow (only emotionally and mentally!) as I continue on this weight loss journey. You can only fail if you don't get up, dust yourself off and try again.keep on trucking.

I will be taking it one day at a time, literally. I went to the grocery store tonight and only purchased enough food for the whole day tomorrow. And I will go to the store tomorrow and get only enough food for the next day. I figure that breaking it down day by day, until I can get back into the full swing of things, is a great start to getting back to where I belong! And I will choose to make smart and healthy choices each time.

How will you choose?

Thoughts

I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm disappointed. I'm hurt. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm confused. I'm irritated. I'm grossed out. I'm overwhelmed. "At who?” is what I'm sure you're wondering. At myself; att me, at my stinking thinking and my actions; or lack there of.

Since just before Halloween I have gone back to my old eating habits and my old ways of thinking. Only its gotten worse since the New Year. I eat non-stop for no reason, and I get mad at myself, say I'll do better tomorrow or next week, but I don’t! I have continued on this constant binge of food for nearly three months now. And just as before I am denying I have a problem to everyone who wants to help. I tell them, "I'm fine", "I can eat this", etc. Knowing that I am not fine and I shouldn’t eat my fourth bowl of ice cream!
I don't want to go back to where I was. I don’t want to feel how I felt. And I certainly don’t want to look how I looked last year. But unless I get my act together that's exactly what where I'll end up! And at this rate it could come faster than I think!

I'll tell you what though; I don't feel like I can do this. I feel weak and broken. I, honestly, don't feel beautiful anymore! I feel the way I did 12 months ago. And when I look in the mirror I see the same'ol girl lost in the pain of her past; choosing to eat away the problem. I see someone who cannot control her urges.
In the morning I'm actually going to go to weigh-in. I'm nervous as all get out. I do not really care to see how much weight I have gained. But I suppose that is a step in the right direction. I have already gained 6 pounds (plus the 4 I've lost again) since I got off track and its been two weeks since my last weigh-in; so I'm scared to see those numbers.

And on top of all this, I'm not allowed to do any physical activity! I messed up my hip back in October and haven’t been able to recover. So I went to my doctor, who referred me to the orthopedic doctor, who sent me to physical therapy. It had been two weeks and it wasn’t getting any better so I demanded an MRI, and that showed that I have a Labral Tear in my left hip. And today I had 4 different injections (talk about pain) to see if I will need surgery. SURGERY! That doesn’t help the situation with food either. I'm an emotional eater and I'm mad that I can’t run, let alone do the Chicago Marathon like I wanted!

I'm just a ball of emotions and I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm hoping that things will turn around real soon.